more on food
It’s often the case (especially for geeks) that going out of the country can result in, how do I put this, a certain lowering of epicurean standards. Lots of reasons for this, but one easily preventable reason is lack of knowledge. There are lots of parallels between programming and cooking; but even if you set aside the really bad jokes about spaghetti code, it seems to follow that the two disciplines are not completely unrelated. As evidence, let me offer you Cooking for Engineers. Anyone can cook. Seriously. Basic recipes are all that’s necessary. As also mentioned in the comments on that linked post, curry paste and bottles and bottles of exotic cooking sauces don’t harm any, either.
Wait. That was the trippy happy, peer through rose coloured glasses and cheer everyone up version.
The most basic ingredient in any aspiring chef’s arsenal is the ability to swear lustily and profusely without repeating oneself. Because trust me, things will go wrong. Murphy was probably a short order cook.
Let me take a few examples to illustrate. Recently, I tried making couscous. To be honest, it worked out as well as serving bricks slathered with BBQ sauce disguised as steak. On the positives, it was edible. Unfortunately, the light and fluffy grains I was aiming for didn’t actually turn up on my dinner plate. Clearly, I am not at my best when I expend a significant amount of time (say, 30 minutes) on some activity which I reasonably expect to lead towards edible food and have it turn out soggy chunks of grain. My swearing on that occasion would have put Gordon to shame. It probably traumatized my landlord’s cats.
I guess it’s also not the best form to mention that I routinely disconnect the fire alarm (yes, illegal and dangerous but whatever) before I cook. This prevents the neighbours from figuring out that I’m cooking by way of the shrieking fire alarm. I don’t really like to advertise in case they show up asking for grub or something.
Burn marks from grabbing saucepans which are hot and marked “grab me not”? I got them. Splattered hot oil? A speciality. (As an aside, this is why I think a real Naked Chef would make a nice show for sadists). The only class of incidents that haven’t happened to me are alcohol related cooking accidents. Actually, that did happen to an ex-colleague of mine and involved calls to 911, fire engines arriving on scene to investigate smoke and so on. As far as my cooking incidents go, I’m still in the little leagues.
Did I also mention that I enjoy cooking? Because I do. It can be a wonderfully relaxing activity and on occasion, you do get decent food from the deal. So say no to takeout food. Eat healthy. Or become a criminal.
On 20-Oct-06 at 4:48 pm,
rastiadu karaya wrote:
My darling older brother is a classically trained French chef, and when he’s at home cooking, he still disconnects the smoke detector too. (I’m sure he’d do it at the restaurant as well, but that would probably result in all sorts of lawsuits with the city.)
Be happy that you have your landlord’s cats to traumatise and not dogs, because dogs are bloody stupid, mine howls when the smoke detector goes off, and then comes wagging his tail to the charred remains of whatever it was that I was attempting to cook.
And yes, the salty language, and also the ability to successfully put down all your staff, bringing them to the point of tears and getting proven results out of them is an absolute must. I refuse to be in the kitchen with aiya, one year at Christmas he threw a piece of uncooked pork stuffed with apricots (and other yumminess) wrapped in bacon at my head.
Never again.
On 20-Oct-06 at 5:56 pm,
drac wrote:
You know, I was nodding to myself about the validation of all my hard earned and easily dispensed nuggets of wisdom but I keep revisiting one phrase that caught my eye…
“uncooked pork stuffed with apricots (and other yumminess) wrapped in bacon”.
Dayum, that sounds like it would taste mighty fine… And that’s not just because it is wrapped in bacon. (Bacon can make practically anything taste better).
Classically trained French chef sounds like an fantastic occupation for a sibling
if only mine had similarly exciting professions.
Also, the cats look amused and lounge around insolently more often than they look genuinely alarmed
Your dog actually might be offering to take one for the team and dispose of the evidence, as it were 
On 20-Oct-06 at 6:44 pm,
rastiadu karaya wrote:
He is indeed a gastronomic genius, and has done nothing for my arteries, everything is full of cream, butter and fat. With that said, the pork that year was absolutely divine, although to this day when I think of it, I can still feel the sensation of bacon making hard contact with my flesh, and the subsequent greasiness! He may be a chef, but the boy’s got an arm on him. Must’ve been the high school (American) football.
And here’s a shameless plug befitting that of any proud sibling, Drac, if you’re ever in Toronto head over to the Beaconsfield (http://www.martiniboys.com/Toronto/The-Beaconsfield-nightlife.html) and tell the chef his sister sent you. He’ll take care of you. And won’t throw any pork products at your head. Promise.
Also, I do concur, bacon? Makes everything better. As does anything deep fried
Oliver’s (the resident canine) overtures don’t really impress me all that much, this is after all the same terrier that thinks it’s cool to eat racoon feces. Then again, there is no “I” in team, so it’s possible.
On 21-Oct-06 at 12:02 am,
Darwin wrote:
Before I came to England for uni, I couldn’t boil an egg or make a cup of tea! Now dare I say I actually like cooking although I prefer baking. Still a far cry from fillet mignon and the like, but I’m getting there!
On 21-Oct-06 at 11:32 am,
drac wrote:
rastiadu karaya: Do Canucks play football (the American variety) in high school? I did not know that. High school QB to chef. Interesting career move
[I've been following the NFL seasons for years, so I have a passing interest in the game ]
Thanks muchly for the tip, if I ever turn up in Toronto I now know of at least one place to go to
Darwin: Your ongoing domestic goddess exploits tell me you might be closer to filet mignon than you’d think
On 21-Oct-06 at 3:09 pm,
rastiadu karaya wrote:
Yup, we do indeed play (American) football pretty heavily in high school, even girls are in on it. Then it hits a manic fever pitch in University.
I don’t think that aiya was a qb, don’t know what his position was really, our age difference is big and I was probably attempting to learn how to add and subtract when he was on the field. Interestingly enough, he followed in the old man’s footsteps and played rugby as well. I tell you he was a model child of the diaspora
On 22-Oct-06 at 8:16 am,
N wrote:
I couldnt even figure out a kettle when I first came to uni…now I can cook a pretty mean curry….get thrown in the pool, drown or swim
On 22-Oct-06 at 1:28 pm,
savi3 wrote:
i still can’t cook..cook as well as i would like to that is..13 yrs after leaving home. i still pick my friends/boyfriends on the basis of how well they can cook
On 23-Oct-06 at 11:26 am,
drac wrote:
N: lots of people seem to work that way
Savi3: Big difference between “can’t cook” and “can’t cook as well as I would like to”
One leads to semi-starvation or lots of takeout food and the other is tolerable (that’s where I am).
Rastiadu Karaya: That’s interesting. This is just the provinces close to the border or all over Canada? (Toronto is pretty close to Detroit, is it not?)
On 23-Oct-06 at 4:52 pm,
rastiadu karaya wrote:
All over Canada actually. Unlike with Major League Basebally, and the NBA Canada isn’t unfortunately including in the NFL, but we have our own version called the CFL. I’ll leave your brilliant mind to figure out what the “C” stands for.
Techincally, (well according to wiki) Canadians had American football down first
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_Canadian_and_American_football
And ya, Toronto is pretty close to Detroit, about a 4 hour drive, but we’re not influenced by them at all. I mean, we used to send our excess garbage to Michigan to be dumped :p
On 23-Oct-06 at 7:33 pm,
savi3 wrote:
ya but bottomline is i don’t cook (unless u can call boiling pasta and pouring Dolmio over it cooking) because i love good food and don’t feel that i can do justice to the word ‘cook’..so i eat takeout and ready meals..and am even more gutted cos they don’t taste any better than the pasta i can cook
times like this i really miss home and SL..nothing like a home cooked rice n curry !!!
On 24-Oct-06 at 7:36 am,
sage wrote:
AHAHAHA, spaghetti code!!!
On 24-Oct-06 at 8:54 am,
drac wrote:
Rastiadu Karaya: Yes Brain, but why would you call it the Crybaby Football League?
*confuzzled*
… oh wait.
savi3: See, it’s precisely for this reason that I actually learnt how to cook. I can actually figure out exactly what I like to eat and cook it rather than poke around supermarket aisles
sage: Wait till I introduce the special offer on cookies!
On 24-Oct-06 at 9:55 am,
sage wrote:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, cookies!! you kill me!!