The Lair

The US bans Vegemite. I mentioned this in snippets a few days ago, but this story has evolved to the point where not poking fun at it seems … a waste.

There are two types of people. Those who like (adore) vegemite, marmite and promite and other derivatives… and those who think the former category are freaks and refuse to have anything to do with the icky yeasty spread. I belong to the vegemite/marmite fan category. Now consider that I’ve had dodgy customs incidents in my time, but a customs officer asking if I were carrying any banned brown substance? That would lead to odd looks. Wait. How else would you describe vegemite?

What happens when a ban occurs? Why, you get protest websites and a petition drive, of course. The Vegemite ban is no exception.

Now, what will be the consequence for the poor vegemite deprived USians? Vegemite runners? Vegeshine? You can see how banning a sticky, salty brown substance can lead to catastrophe. If you don’t do either of those, an obvious option is to get someone in more gastronomically liberated climes to mail you a care package. Right? Happens all the time. Used to have a flat mate from China whose adoring parents sent him some truly mind boggling (yet very tasty! he used to laugh at my reactions) food in a brown cardboard package clearly marked “medical supplies”. (No, they didn’t mean surprise.) What happens when a suspicious customs sniffer dog is set among the Vegemite care packages? a SWAT team and people in biological MOP suits evacuating the USPS sorting offices because suspicious brown substances were found in a parcel?

First they came for the MickeyDs food and I didn’t speak up; because I don’t really eat too much Mickey Ds food anyway. Then they came for the Vegemite… You can see where this is headed. Pretty soon, the only option will be … (*drumroll*) Soylent Green spread - the taste differs from person to person.