velly sorry, big mistako
What is it about that South African pulling wool over all our eyes? Turns out he wasn’t killed after all. Yes, Woolmer. Remember him? That’s the guy that I thought (and made a bet, to boot) had been crisped by Aloo. The guy that was supposedly given snake venom. The guy who apparently had a towel wrapped around his throat and was strangled.
No wait. Turns out he may have died of … natural causes.
Ok. So did the Jamaican coroner suddenly stop handling the ball, stare off into the distance like Horatio Kane, take off his sunglasses and say …
“Someone wrapped a boundary rope round his neck, mon.”
[Yeah. I do a horrible Jamaican impersonation. Don't carribbean it in.]
Talk about dropping a sitter, eh? (I really really wanted to work in a hit wicket reference but my pun-fu is weak today). As it is, will anyone believe what the coroner has to say on the matter? If someone did actually bounce Bob off the pitch, then it was the perfect murder. Pity the conspiracy theories and allegations will swirl forever, just like when Cronje died.
Then there was that 11 year old kid who heroically took on a hog the size of a mammoth with a pea shooter. Call it the modern day David versus a porcine Goliath. Of course, the kid won. And duly posed for photographs. Incidentally, hogzilla is a technical term. Think of it as the Mozilla of pigs; slow, bloated, consumes a lot (of food or RAM, depending on where you want this analogy to go). Oops. Sorry, I picked the wrong browser to hate on.
Anyway, about that boy and his wild pig. Turns out it was all … (wait for it )
(you can practically hear the crackling)
Porky Pig is not amused. And would like his nice snug farmyard and his massive trough of slops to be brought over, toot sweet. Oink.
And to descend further into the murk, that dutch reality show where people had to compete for a kidney was also a hoax. Fortunately for the people competing (who really needed it, and not just for a pleasant accompaniment to steak in a pie either), the kidney was real. It was just that everyone participating in the show knew who’d get the kidney beforehand.
And this is different from every other reality show because … there was a kidney involved. Reality shows have as much to do with reality as professional wrestling has a resemblance to wrestling. Allegedly, of course.
On 04-Jun-07 at 4:44 pm,
Chickenbutt wrote:
The biggest tragedy is that he had to wait for almost 2 months for a decent burial. I think that’s the most disgusting fact of the entire Woolmer saga.
On 04-Jun-07 at 10:19 pm,
Curious Yellow wrote:
I don’t think he’s in a position to care.
On 05-Jun-07 at 8:34 am,
Darwin wrote:
Those hog jokes were awful. I love it!
On 06-Jun-07 at 3:38 am,
Java Jones wrote:
And I read yesterday or the day before that the Jamaicans were going to wait a week(!!) before announcing that Bob died of ‘natural causes’. As weird an ending to the whole rigmarole as could possibly be imagined.
As Java said: “I be tinkin dat dey be smokin a whole lotta dat good Jamaican weed maaan – an den yo know what happens, right?”