The Lair

As hinted earlier, I’ve been shunted to that large country up north. Having spent approximately a week here, I’m now qualified to make the following observations.

• Conference rooms across the world look pretty similar
• The streets (as seen from the interior of a thankfully airconditioned vehicle) look pretty darn dusty.
• These Chennai drivers are completely and utterly insane - I’ve started a hall of fear for the most extravagant, like some random driver deciding that he really needed to take an exit and proceeding to cut us off while both vehicles were travelling at about 80 klicks an hour.

Considering the hype about the accommodation that could have been on offer, I was (pretty justifiably, I think) a bit wary. I wasn’t kidding when I thought of packing a can of Baygon (insecticide, essentially) to keep the marauding vermin at bay. The first day we landed, we went to this serviced apartment block - like a hotel, but not quite. A quick inspection of the room revealed no vermin, reasonably clean sheets, reasonably clean towels. Thanking myself for small mercies, I settled in.

Unfortunately, the client was also staying at the same place and their experiences were slightly less than positive. Specifically, their reception committee included a rat which (allegedly) darted down the stairs when they arrived.

So, yeah. Not great.

Why were they on the stairs, you might ask. Well, the elevator wasn’t really a selling point for this whole apartment block. The less said about it, the better.

So, the next day (the first day of meetings, essentially) - we dispatched people to find new places to stay.

To be completely fair, the employees of this new establishment were as obliging as the last. The only difficulty was that, well, even when we were all speaking English - communication presented a few challenges.

drac dials reception from his room, wanting to find out the room number of his one of his cow-orkers - a guy who is from this region and our tour guide and general fixer-upper.

Receptionist chap: Hallo?
drac: Hi, I’d like the room number of [name-of-cow-orker], please.
Receptionist chap: (near instantaneously) Room 302, sir.
*blink*. Ok, that was fast. Maybe this guy just remembers names and room numbers.
drac: Thank you very much. Now, how do I use my room phone to contact his room?
*lengthy pause*
Receptionist chap: Who you want to talk to, sir?
Err. What? This is the same guy I was speaking to five seconds ago, right?
drac: I’d like the room number of [name-of-cow-orker], please.
Receptionist chap: Wait sir. I will check.
Wait. what? So, who’s room number did you give me before? Ok, never mind.
Receptionist chap: Who you want to speak, sir?
drac: patiently I’d like the room number of [name-of-cow-orker], please.
Receptionist chap: Wait sir.
*Another lengthy pause, during which the tapping of keys can be heard in the background*
Receptionist chap: Who you want to speak, sir?
drac: even more patiently, but with a tinge of desperation I’d like the room number of [name-of-cow-orker], please.
Receptionist chap: Wait sir.
Receptionist chap: Room 211, sir.
drac: Ok, great. Now, I can’t seem to dial those rooms directly. How do I do this?
Receptionist chap: 30 first, sir.
drac: Brilliant. thank you.

Dials 30 - 211
Random voice on phone: Hallo?
drac: *pauses*. Is this [name of cow-orker]?
Random voice on phone: This room service, sir.
omgwtf?!
drac: *confuzzled*. Ok, sorry. Wrong number.
Random voice on phone: That ok. Who you want to speak?
umm.what?
drac: I thought you were room service?! Can you find me the room number of [name-of-cow-orker], please?
Random voice on phone: Ok. Will find, sir.

No. He did not find the cow-orker. But at least they all tried hard. That counts, right? Oh, and if you need to talk to someone in another room you absolutely have to call reception and have them connect. It all sounded very Alexander Graham Bell.