The Lair

It’s frightfully hard to write a blog without feeling that it must do something: even the most humble blogger is encouraged to create a unique selling point, target a ‘laser-focussed niche’, embrace social media, spawn viral content, track stats, and have a dedicated marketing drive; they must teach and inspire, build ‘authority’, start a ‘conversation’, and foster a ‘community’; they should seek out a purpose, a gameplan, a revenue stream, and an exit strategy.

This socially enforced framework creates problems, not least of which in changing Web writing from an expressive, emotive celebration of free speech to an electronic stocking filler: tabloggers aren’t writing; they’re creating content — content that hopes to satisfy self-inflicted quotas, boost traffic, and burn another post on the digital altar to appease the blods. Tabloggers write from a sense of obligation; a feeling that their content must be regular and — worst of all — useful. And I’m not alone in thinking that it’s a shame:

Yet tablogs publish the ugliest kind of useful information: vacuous lists, tutorials, and recycled how-tos that try so hard to be handy as to become meaningless, soulless, voiceless and occasionally dangerous

The Rise of the TabLog

Ain’t it the truth?

Every culture, it seems, has a seemingly inexhaustible storehouse of axioms, homilies and quotes – usually translated as “rural wisdom”. Some of these homilies are grounded in science – for example, boil cassava roots in an open pot (to allow the toxic cyanides to evaporate).
Who the hell first discovered that? How many people died to figure it out? Those are the things they never teach you in school.

There are other homilies, however, which are probably grounded in science but no one follows these days. For example, when I was young I was strictly forbidden to eat more than one egg per day. No, really. More than that is bad for me, I was told. I will get lower voice into a hushed whisper high cholesterol. Yes, this is probably true but other aspects of my lifestyle (which attract no comment) are probably higher risk activities than eating a couple of eggs for breakfast.

Another one: don’t put too much vinegar on your food (especially the delicious raw fruit mixed with chillie and sugar preparations) because the acid will melt your bones. Wait, what? I don’t understand the science behind that one at all.

Then there is the entire class of things called heaty food – which includes prawns, pineapples and (I strongly suspect) most things which taste good. Eating too much of such things retains heat, and therefore causes all sorts of medical problems. They must immediately be neutralized with cooling food. Again, science? There is probably some in this, but I wonder.

There are plenty more where that came from … but are they really relevant today? I somehow suspect they aren’t

So there was a partial solar eclipse going on today. Not that I really noticed – I was awake, but by the time I remembered, the celestial caravan had long since departed. This could well be the story of my life, in a sentence. I still vividly remember watching this eclipse, or at least the parts of it that were not spoilt by dark clouds. Good eclipse in spots, but patchy cloud obscures the rest. That again, could be yet another story of my life.

In a cheery mood, aren’t I? Here’s why.

For the 4th fucking time in less than a year, I have gotten into a minor fender bender with some random twat. This time where some dude actually backed into me on a main road. Yes, I wish I was making this shit up. This was right in front of a traffic cop, by the way – said cop hurrying up onto the scene and then standing around while I did the obligatory waving of arms, wagging of fingers and loudly shouting “NO U” at the other guy. Yeah, so the dent on the shiny bumper is minor, but it’s the principle of the thing goddammit.

If this continues, I may begin to suspect that the gods do not wish me to get behind the steering wheel of a car. Which works fine with me, actually – but I resent being continually mugged by three wheeler dudes for last minute tacked on additional charges to an agreed fare.

Perhaps unrelated: I have this sudden urge to consign more freshwater fish to death. Or in other words, I want to restart the aquarium hobby that I have had on and off for the last 20 years. Nothing too fancy, maybe a 20-30 litre tank. Allegedly, watching fish swim has stress relieving properties. Heaven knows I need that.