The Lair

It has been approximately 12 years and a bit since we were all in the same continent (never mind the country or city). Lots of things have changed, obviously – like the nieces – but it’s nice to see that some things haven’t.

Every culture, it seems, has a seemingly inexhaustible storehouse of axioms, homilies and quotes – usually translated as “rural wisdom”. Some of these homilies are grounded in science – for example, boil cassava roots in an open pot (to allow the toxic cyanides to evaporate).
Who the hell first discovered that? How many people died to figure it out? Those are the things they never teach you in school.

There are other homilies, however, which are probably grounded in science but no one follows these days. For example, when I was young I was strictly forbidden to eat more than one egg per day. No, really. More than that is bad for me, I was told. I will get lower voice into a hushed whisper high cholesterol. Yes, this is probably true but other aspects of my lifestyle (which attract no comment) are probably higher risk activities than eating a couple of eggs for breakfast.

Another one: don’t put too much vinegar on your food (especially the delicious raw fruit mixed with chillie and sugar preparations) because the acid will melt your bones. Wait, what? I don’t understand the science behind that one at all.

Then there is the entire class of things called heaty food – which includes prawns, pineapples and (I strongly suspect) most things which taste good. Eating too much of such things retains heat, and therefore causes all sorts of medical problems. They must immediately be neutralized with cooling food. Again, science? There is probably some in this, but I wonder.

There are plenty more where that came from … but are they really relevant today? I somehow suspect they aren’t

A small anecdotal, possibly unscientific experiment to record the checkpoint experience, as it were.

Experimental environment: reasonably modern (unfortunately coloured) car, four occupants. One occupant (namely, moi) can speak the native lingo. Everyone can speak English, albeit some with a strong accent. For reference, a couple of the occupants look unmistakably expat/foreign.

Duration: 1.5 days (essentially, a couple of nights and a day) worth of driving around from one Colombo nightspot to another.

Number of times stopped: 31 (yes, I counted. That’s the whole point of this post, right?).
Breakdown: 8 army only, 2 navy only, 4 airforce only, 1 police only, the remainder: mixed (one policeman and army, usually). This is just based on visibility, there could have been other guys hiding in the shadows for all I could see.

Number of times I showed someone my (tattered and faded) identity card: 24 (I was waved on without so much as a check of papers 7 times, just a brief stop and a peer into the window was all it took).

Number of times anyone had to get out of the car: 0. I usually never get out of the car unless asked specifically to do so. I have no idea about checkpoint etiquette or requirements, but I’ve seen people nipping out of the car as soon as they’re stopped.

Number of times I had to show the whole nine yards (ID, license, insurance etc): 1. Surprisingly, this wasn’t the police only checkpoint, but one of the mixed checkpoints leading to Temple Trees. The experience and tone of the cop doing the checking of documents was nasty enough that it invited comment from the other occupants of the car. Maybe the dude was having a bad day. Maybe it was because he is a cop and not the military (who were unfailingly polite, each and every single time).

Other numbers: 192.6km on the odometer for the entire trip, approximately 18 hours (I should have recorded time spent in the car for a more accurate statistic, I suppose).

Completely unscientific averages: a stop approximately every 40 minutes on average, or every 6 kilometres.

More interestingly, the people travelling with me were never ever asked for their papers or anything. There were 2-3 instances where I was asked where they were from (to which i replied with their current country of residence, not their respective countries of origin). Other than that, not much more than a quick glance in their direction.

Not entirely sure if this post is going to be interpreted as a damning indictment of the security theatre that is checkpoints or not. The number of stoppages certainly seem high, given the duration (but balanced by the fact that we were usually skirting a high security area or actually in it). The lone incident with the nasty cop would have, unfortunately, been the only thing I even remembered, had I not been recording information to write this post.